Marriage: one example explanation

Introduction

I am from India. Marriage was an expected natural progression in life for me say in 2012. I remember this vague moment in 2017 when I decided to write about Marriage (during my 1 month of everyday writing madness).

The vague moment is as follows: An STM gave me a link in 2012 (already he was woke). I read the link, I think every single comment of it back in 2017. And it changed my view on marriage. I was not afraid of saying no anymore. Persuasion perhaps was all that was necessary. To see so many people say their marriage was shit was enough. Currently I think I am woke enough to get out of it.

I just want to write a post on it as an excercise in DP (trying to check claims) as well as for understanding for myself what the deal is with marriage and why not go for it.

Data

This is my main source which an STM provided a long time back: https://dontmarry.wordpress.com/. It is a copy of another website’s contents with “noise” removed. It currently has ~270 comments of people complaining.

There is a survey on top of this post that says 7524 people voted for a Marriage strike, 1137 said no and 1028 are undecided.

Marriage and Sex

Claims: Sex is boring after marriage compared to before marriage with the same person

Example: “I’m tired of fucking by a script. We’re allowed to fuck in certain positions that are to come in a certain order. There are to be no deviations from the script. Ever. (It goes without saying there are no blow jobs in the script.) It bores me to tears. I’d way rather jack off, which is pretty much what I do these days. If I jack off I can at least fantasize about some fucking variety.”

There are plenty more stories in dont-marry-post similar to the above.

Definition: checks out!

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: You will have “plenty” of sex even after you are married.

Example:

“During our courtship days, we could hardly keep our hands off each other, and we could get down to it anywhere and everywhere, from bedroom and bathroom and once even behind a sari that was being put up to dry! But one-and-a-half-years into marriage, and you realize that someone’s just come down with this huge club and smashed your balls with things like ‘roof-over-head responsibility’, ‘good husband’, ‘responsible fatherhood’,’winning the bread’… it feels like sheer castration! And then when you’ve to worry about who’s going to put the clothes in the machine and who’s going to clear the table, believe me, sex can and does often wait.”— Craig X-SS Music VJ

“That’s fine with me — I was planning to sleep in the living room anyway. We haven’t had sex in two months. We have three young children — a divorce would be a disaster.”

“She doesn’t cook, and pathetic sex is about once a month.”

“Day 485 without sex. No, I’m not fat or ugly. Yes, I’ve declined opportunities with other women in that time. No, I would not recommend that any man get married.”

“My wife was great. She was hot and funny and nice. When we had our first child she replaced me with the child. She used to be frugal, but then she charged up the credit cards so much that it was like using drugs. Now 18 years later we are fucked beyond belief. She also does not have sex with me for two weeks at a time and thinks it’s normal. So I cracked and got a mistress. I should have divorced her long ago for my own survival, but I did not have the heart and still don’t.”

I am almost positive my parents haven’t had sex in 20 years based on the fact that the door to their bedroom is never locked. The frequency has to be less than 1 time a week. I have never noticed anything fishy. My dad is 60 years now.

Definition: People are unhappy with the amount of sex they get in the above examples. Hence it doesn’t check out that Men get “plenty” of sex.

Checklist: yes; false;

Claims: Women use sex to control you; Women have the power in a marriage

Example:

“I tried everything I could think of, read about, and hear of. Nothing worked. Whenever I would bring up the fact that I wish we could have sex more than once every six weeks – she would write up a laundry list of demands that she promised would improve things. Most of these things on the list had to do with buying her shit and doing things for her. Like many – I fell for it a few times and scrambled to make things better. That, of course, resulted in very little changing except that not only did I have to support my family with a 50 hour a week job, but I also had to cater to her B.S. and help her with the housework (she has no other job).”

Definition: Checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: Women are irrational, incapable of rationally discussing an issue

Example:

I once tried to explain to my parents ‘what I want to do in life’ with effective altruism etc… and failed miserably. The same happened with my brother and I stopped explaining to them what I wanted to do as it was useless and only resulted a fight. The same failure resulted when I discussed religion and marriage. They simply don’t get it or I don’t know how to make them get it.

My dad and mom were fighting once and my dad used his standard mechanism of shutting mom up, which was to talk about her sister’s family. I get in, I ask him to shut up, I tell him that he needs to back off and he goes even more after her.

Similar situation between my mom and grandma. I get in between, and mom goes berserk just like my dad did.

Definition: “Everyone” seems to be incapable of discussing an issue without going crazy. Like reasoning, science, data, morality, are all invalid here. Not just for women.

Checklist: yes; true;
definition-unclear; failed; (I am still not sure what this “rationally discussing an issue could mean”);

Claims: ~~Women are not fucking saints~~ Women before and after marriage are different

Example:

“First, we agree on love, respect, honesty, money and career. Then, we get married. All bets are off. Next, She quits job, refuses to work for duration, let’s her credit go to hell, leans on me to pay for her mortgage, credit cards, misc bills, car payment. Meanwhile, I pay for our house, all associated bills, medical insurance, utilities and incidentals. Side note, her credit was so shot (of course she never revealed this until after the deal was set) that I carried the loan in my name only for the new house we were to purchase together.”

We hear this Jekyll and Hyde sentiment in the dont-marry-forum over and over again.

Definition: checks out!

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: Indian women are different compared to the Americans Women being talked about in dont-marry-forum.

Example:

“I married an Indian girl. Except that she’s educated, earns good coin, and is frugal, it’s all the same shit [otherwise].”—dont-marry-forum

Definition: Doesn’t check out! I feel like one is none, especially considering that I don’t know any other Indian who suggests me to not marry. I have >8 cousins and everyone is pushing me to get married. In fact they think it is absurd that I don’t want to be married. They are all roughly in their 40’s.

Checklist: yes; unsure; example-matching-subject; failed;

Marriage and happiness

Claims: Married life starts sucking pretty soon

Example:

My Indian cousin tells me after 12 years of marriage, that the only silver lining was her kids. I don’t think the husband gets any sex. 19 years of marriage later, she tells me that they barely talk.

Definition: checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

But, none of my cousins have expressed to me about how their marriage sucks. In fact they do something that tells me maybe marriage is not bad after all. They FORCE me to marry and are shocked that I don’t want to marry. What am I missing?

Claims: Married women nag husbands

Example: “Came home last night after working 15 hours, 9 am to midnight. Climb into bed, about three minutes later, the first thing she says, “are you mad at me?” I ask her, “Is it too much to expect to ask me how my day was and whether I’m doing all right after working for fifteen hours?” I got yelled at for the next 45 minutes. I love marriage.”

Definition: checks out!

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: Married women put down their husbands in front of others

Example: My dad tries to give me some advice on jobs or tell me some story related to corporate culture and my mom immediately will be like, “re saaku re” meaning, “enough please stop” and not allow him to speak. He will keep trying but she wont stop whining and eventually it leads to raising his voice. This happens in front of my sister-in-law also.

My dad, mom, dad’s nephew, and his wife were eating at the house. The two families meet once in a while and this meeting the nephew is pretty excited and is serving dish after dish. And the wife of the nephew snaps at this, saying something like, “if they want they will ask, they are grown adults (or something like that)”. Like she could have just let him be.

Definition: Maybe this is what they mean with wives putting down their husbands in front of others.

Checklist: yes; neither;
example-matching-subject unsure

Claims: Being old and married has bitter relationships instead of a nice relationship.

Example: In my family most of the fathers who are >50, have very bitter relationships with their wives. They constantly fight.

Although I think it is the fault of the men, for being dicks to their women, the relationship still seems bitter and not compatible.

My parents for example, fight like hell. They literally fight over everything. My dad says there is a better way of arranging the fridge (none of his business). My mom doesn’t like listening to my dad. This is the foundation of every fight. No one wants to adjust or listen and they keep fighting. My dad hurts mom with words to calm her down during an escalation (like talking about her sister’s failed marriage). They just don’t seem to be compatible. But they will continue to live until death does them apart. They are around 60 years of age.

Three of my closest friend’s parents also have bitter marriages as well.

Definition: checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: You need a companion (wife/girlfriend)

Example: If I look at the last one year of my life, now and then I craved for a girlfriend (perhaps out of persuasion), but I have so much shit to do that I don’t too swayed by it (very momentary). My occasional two weeks once outings with close friends, going to dinners, meeting with cousins, going to India every year seems to be cutting it for me.

Definition: checks out.

Checklist: yes; false;

Just two days back I felt like I had nothing interesting to do. But then I started this post and saw how I seriously sucked and that was enough to snap out of the temporary “misery”. On Saturday I had 7 hrs of work to do before 6 pm in the evening so that I could enjoy a nice Indian dinner outside and hang with friends. Had a great day and evening. I only have time for one outing a week and am happy to do just that. For the rest I work, play sports and hit the gym. I go to India for 2 months in a year and love to keep working and making myself “better”. To quote Trisha from Saami, “idhukumela ~~college pora ponnuku~~ vela pora payanukku vera enna venum”.

Martin Seligman didn’t mention that people are happy because of marriages or women, but because of the “good life” and the “meaningful life”. An example of the good life is like when you spend hours and hours gaming and you don’t even feel the time move. You have immense concentration and barely any distraction. An example of the meaningful life is when you live life in pursuit of something higher than yourself. I would imagine what people like Gandhi lead a meaningful life. Disclaimer: I am very bad in classifying events if they are ‘good’ or ‘meaningful’ or something else.

In conclusion, I have been without a companion in forever and yes there are days when I feel down. But if I try and reflect on the last two years, I can only complain about how much I time I wasted not practicing. I feel like the amount of entertainment and feeling of satisfaction I get from hanging out with friends and family ‘in my free time is enough to not search for something more’ (to quote an STM).

Claims: you need a companion now

Screw that! The above claim seems to have clarified enough.

Checklist: yes; false;

Claims: You need a companion to take care of you when you are sick

Example: During the time when I had my pilunoidal sinus removed, my dad, mom and the nurses took care of me. Parents applied the ointment for the next 15 days and did the dressing. I am unsure if I could have done it myself. After that I moved to Netherlands and had to do my own dressing. I guess I needed care in the beginning.

Definition: It appears that I needed help atleast in the beginning and that others were able to perfectly satisfy the roles needed.

Checklist: yes; neither.

Of course my parents think that they are not going to be alive for long and that I need some of my “own people” (wife and kids) to take care of me when the time comes.

Claims: I need relatives of my own to take care of me when I am sick

Example: no-example

Definition:

Checklist: yes; neither;

Time is running out

Claims: If you don’t marry now, it is hard to find a woman later.

Example: “For Keel veedu payan they are even looking for divorced, disabled people to marry.”— Mom. This guy from my flat in Chennai is 38 or something and is not finding a chick to get married to.

Definition: For arranged marriage by parents checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: Marrying an Indian women is better than marrying foreigners ~~culture wise and vacations wise.~~

Example: Divorce rates in India (20%) are far lower than in other countries like Netherlands (50%).

Definition: Yes she wont leave you probably. If that is the dimension you want to check against, then it checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

Although I see the following in the don’t-marry-post.

“American women deserve every bad thing that has happened to them.
REPLY: I married an Indian girl. Except that she’s educated, earns good coin, and is frugal, it’s all the same shit [otherwise].”—dont-marry-post

Not sure how to proceed further.

Different women

Claims: Women only love you to the extent that they need you.

no-example

Claims: Independent women are the worst to get married to

Claims: Independent women are worse than other women to get married to.

Example: no-example

Definition: I imagine independent women to be financially independent. And I find that “dependent women” already reek havoc in the household (dont-marry-forum), then where is the case for independent women.

Checklist: yes; neither;

Claims: An ambition-less dependent bitch is the best to get married to.

Example: According to dont-marry-post, all the bitches sitting at home are creating havoc in the lives of the over working husbands who provide for those bitches.

“I was happy but now I’m starting to wonder why I’m married. Me; MBA, career job, low 6 figure income, workout at the gym 3 days/week, cook meals on weekends, do major chores (i.e., heavy lifting) Her: At home mom – but our kid is in 3rd grade so she has all day home alone – she claims she cleans but it doesn’t take 6 hours per day 5 days per week to do the shitty job she does. She says she’s going to go back to work but she keeps finding reasons why she can’t work. Sex? None in 2 months (“urinary tract infection is cleared up but I’m afraid I’ll get another”) Fit? Not really So she has no ambition, provides nominal home value, is sexless. I’m not seeing the benefit of this marriage for me. What I have now for a wife is not what or who I married. I married an active, energetic woman. And now? She is pure couch potato. She talks a good game but when I get home, things are the same as before except she has moved on to the next book she wants to read. Meanwhile, I blow through my income buying her the house she wants, the vacations she wants, and so on.”—dont-marry-post

“Two years of Marriage. I’m depressed and turning to pot and alcohol. I’m not allowed to DO anything without “permission”. I used to live life to the full, now I just exist to pay the mortgage and fill the shelves full of worthless crap we don’t need. Thanks to the joyless fat whore I’m forced to spend the rest of my life with.”—dont-marry-post

“So when I married, I used a very simple strategy: I married a very nice woman who I knew for a fact could never build her own career. She wasn’t quite a “smart” as I wanted, but she was sweet and a great artist. 10 years later, she depends on me, I’m the sole breadwinner. She raises the kids. Very old-fashioned. Is is still difficult to be married? Hell yes.”—dont-marry-post

Definition: I am aware I didn’t compare to any other woman who was not ambition less. But I don’t have examples.

Checklist: yes; neither; ; Best;

All my male cousins are married to ambition-less people and I don’t know the kind of havoc they are reeking. In the end they are all forcing me to marry. All of my cousins parents are forcing me to marry, like it is a good thing and a needed activity.

How to go about it?

Marriage vs Girl friend

Claims: Girl friend is better than marriage

Example:

“I knew everyone in her family before I knew her. We dated for 4 years before getting married. She was smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, witty. THE DAY OF THE WEDDING, right after she got that fucking ring, she changed. I should’ve walked out but I had been telling myself for months that marriage is for keeps so at first you rationalize her fucked up cunt behavior, thinking ‘oh she’s geeked over the wedding.’ then the sex stops, then the bitching and nagging and pestering and arguing start. to hell with her. i will not divorce her now because there’s too much at stake. i thought i was marrying my very best friend, lover, confidante, and intellectual and emotional peer. she changed gears and never looked back, concentrating on spending my money and having party after stupid mind-numbingly boring party and buying the next house and redecorating and getting more jewelry and… anything but pal-ing around with me and fucking my brains out and laughing with me and walking hand-in-hand with me. in other words all the shit she SAID she would love to do ’til the day we died. fuck her. to her “credit”, she falls into the manipulative sex as a weapon cunt category i have observed that about 85% of all women do (as I am sure 85% of all men have some equally annoying habit in the eyes of women – like cheating on their cunt wives) my passive-aggressive payback is to selectively and very discreetly fuck good looking, intelligent, eager strong-libido women on the side. the sex is intensely gratifying, especially given it’s not her pussy I’m drilling. and yes i do close up emotionally around her since she will use any tiny thing i say for the next 3 years in future bitch sessions.”

Oh Man! This is the Jekyll and Hyde story I keep seeing over and over in the dont-marry-post.

Definition: checks out!

Checklist: yes; true;

When you are in a (relationship)[1] both work for the relationship to succeed whereas when you are in a (marriage)[2] then only you have to work

Claims: When in [1], both work for the relationship.

Example: no-example

Definition: -

Checklist: yes; neither;

Claims: Both working for the relationship is good.

no-example

Checklist: yes; neither;

Claims: When in [2], only the man has to work in the relationship.

no-example

Checklist: yes; neither;

Claims: Only man working for the relationship is not good.

no-example

Checklist: yes; neither;

disturbance to flow

Claims: You will not be able to spend 4 hrs a day on DP related activities when you are married

Breaking it down to smaller claims.

Claims: Kids will fuck with the time you have

Example: My x-colleague who decided to have one kid, says he stopped a lot of his excercise activities due to the kid. He used to go to the gym, box and climb with his wife. Now he rarely does any of that. He finishes work, picks up the kid and takes care of it and that’s all he and his wife have time for in the day.

Definition: checks out.

Checklist: yes; true

Counter example: Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Sundar Pichai, Vishwanathan Anand, AR Rahman are all really great in their field and they have kids too.

And with the Careers of all the big shots they probably outsourced all the work of raising kids to nanny’s as they had money and no time. But this doesn’t apply to me. I am far from being “great” and cannot afford a full time nanny within the next few years. I suck unlike Rahman who already peaked 3 years before getting married. Comparing to the baseline of Rahman might be a bad idea. Instead comparing to a colleague who works a similar job and gets paid similar amounts might be better.

Claims: Wife will consume your time once you are married

Example: My friend’s husband is in Japan and she is in Netherlands. Everyday they speak for about an hour on the phone to perform their long distance relationship (LDR).

Definition: I can’t imagine it becomes lower when they are not in LDR any more. Checks out.

Checklist: yes; neither; example-matching-subject; unsure;

But coming back to the main claim. I expect that wife and kids would consume time from my life where it is already hard to clock 4hrs a day. Once I am married and have kids, the only way to keep this 4hrs a day, would be to reduce gym time or quit going to it altogether while I spend that time with kids and wife.

We all know drama consumes us. Just yesterday I cannot believe the first thought I had when I closed my eyes. It was about how to change the option from seated dinner to buffet. Do you believe it? All of 2 days this was my main concern about how to get my agenda across the board for one stupid night with colleagues.

Claims: Kids and wife will cause plenty of drama in life

Example: My brother on a call last month vented to me. He said he is fucking stressed because of his job, he feels over-worked and in addition to that is working towards his MBA exams. With all of this shit in place, the wife in unable to conceive and is throwing fits and crying and cribbing about why everyone in the world can conceive but her. He is loosing it and he said this is for the last 7 months (Jesus!). Meanwhile he can’t shout at her and has to be this consoling fuck of a person (I told him to not shout too). This is what I gathered from the phone call. Maybe he is to blame for being incapable to “help her” but nevertheless, there is so much drama now atleast.

P.S: He swiftly immediately said that, this shall in no way be considered as a point against marriage. Haha!

Definition: checks out

Checklist: yes; true;

Although, if this is the case throughout the lifetime, I am unsure. Kids happen, kids education needs to happen, kids need to go to college and get a respectable job and get married to a good girl (;)) etc… It might follow you intermittently say every 5 years I guess. Moving on.

Disturbance to donations

Claims: Raising kids needs a lot of money

Example: In the case of my x-colleague, he is expected to spend 5k€ per year on raising the kid (along with say around 1-2 hrs at home). 5k€ per year is 100k€ in 20 years. His wife is also working full time, so that becomes, 50k€ pp. In addition lets say he needs to devote 1 full hour every day for 20 years = 20x365x15€ = 109k€pp

My parents spent say 50k rs a year on me (11k€)+ bachelors education (8k€) + Masters education (50k€). With a total of 69k€. And in case I get married, they will pay atleast another 10k€. They have two kids so that is roughly 150k€ to raise two kids. So 75k€ pp.

Contrast this to what I save now and expect to save in the coming years:

If I donate 10% and stay in a similar job as I am currently with a growth of 5%, I could potentially donate 174k€ over a 20 year period.

Definition: To conclude, If I raise a kid it costs 75k to 150k€ pp including time spent. This is a lot of money considering, a 10% donation repeated over 20 years is 174k€. If I take the money on kids and donate it as well, I could potentially double my contribution or save another 38 people over the next 20 years.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: Wife will consume lots of money

Example:

My Indian friend has a dutch girlfriend. Their rent costs 1300€. He expects his girlfriend to pay 20% of it once she starts earning. She is hardly ambitious and will never make the money he makes (5k€/month). At max she will make 2.5k per month. Even while eating outside he covers her costs. I can’t imagine the situation changes even after they get married. She is not paying 400€ of the rent because he is offsetting it for her. Which comes to about 5k€ a year of his after tax money.

In another friends case, his girlfriend works only 3 days a week. She doesn’t cook and has 2 kids with him now (practically married). This guy is the real breadwinner of the family. She probably earns 1500€ and he earns 4000€ per month. I was shocked when he said they pool in all the money, check expenditure of the house and kids and then take 50-50 of what is left for their own savings and personal expenditure. WTF! She works 3 days and is enjoying the benefits of a 2k net salary. Combined they will have 4k net income. They save 400€ per month together. If they didn’t split, then she would not be saving anything. This means the guy incurs a cost of atleast 2.5k€ of his after tax money.

Definition: checks out. It doesn’t seem to be as bad as having kids.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: When you have wife and kids your donations reduces

Claims: When you have kids amount of money you save per month is less than when you have no kids or wife.

Example: A dutch friend of mine earns 4k€ gross, i.e., 2700€ net. He is able to save 150€ per month for himself. He has 2 kids and a lazy fat girlfriend (practically married) who doesn’t cook and works fucking 3 days a week.

Contrast that to me earning the 4.1k€ gross, i.e., 2750€ net and saving 0.8k€ after my 10% donation of ~400€. I live pretty good myself.

Definition: That’s a big fucking hit.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: If wife earns less than you then she spends money on useless things

Example:

“What I got: a woman who after marriage instantly turned into a shrewish whining nagging sexless frigid materialistic petty manipulative cunt who only cares about how much money I make, constantly upgrading her fucking wedding diamond (it’s now 3.67 carats), and spending my cash on clothes from N-M, goddamn fucking window treatments from some specialty shop, and endless fucking shit from Pottery Barn that has nothing to do with my life or our life. Biggest mistake? Should’ve spent more than 4 years getting to know her. Should’ve not let the great sex cloud my mind. Goddamn it all to hell.”

Definition: checks out!

Checklist: yes; true;

Marriage and injuries

Claims: Your wife and kids will take care of you when you are injured

Example: My drunkard of an uncle died a few years back. He first lost his ability to speak. He then, slowly lost his motor skills and in the end he needed help to pee, to shit and to eat. My goddess of an aunt, (I was there many times), without frowning one bit and “in a loving way” talked to him and took care of him (at least this is what I remember of her).

My music master’s dad’s kidneys failed. His 3 sons and his wife took care of him. My music master gave up a good part of his work for a year or two to just cook at home, and take care of his father along with his mom and brothers. So I think they supported him by performing dialysis at home and taking care of the dad for a few years before he eventually died.

Definition: Checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: You need someone to take care of you when you are injured.

no-example
Checklist: yes; neither;
no-example; failed; Pattern: “need”;

A claim that has no example, and where I don’t understand how to give an example becomes “clearer” once I break it down into “testable”, “simpler” claims.

Claims: It is nicer to be taken care of by a wife than a random nurse when you are injured.

Claims: Getting a wife ends up to be cheaper than paying X euros in case you get injured for a 1 week, 1 year, 5 years in Netherlands.

Example: I don’t have an example and should talk to some people.

Definition:

Checklist: yes; neither;
(talk to people)

If I retire in Holland and go back to India and enjoy my pension there, then I should be able to pay for full time health care + expenses until I die, assuming I need help to shit pee and eat; assuming the costs and resulting pensions increase proportionally

Hidden claims

Claims: If you marry someone via arranged marriage, you will not have a bitchy, irritating, nagging wife.

Example: The neighbors son got into an arranged marriage. I think they were staying in the same house along with the neighbors. For some reason his wife turned out to be a bitch after their first kid was born. Not sure what exactly the fight was. But something happened and they went far away to stay alone. I can’t remember what exactly the reason was. I vaguely remember the wife throwing tantrums being possessive about her daughter.

Definition: I just have one example. I don’t know one other example even. I want to hold off on concluding.

Checklist: yes; neither;

Claims: You need to date someone for a few months at least before you marry them

Example: Not according to dont-marry-post. People seem to have dated for 4 years even and yet the crazy never stopped to sneak in.

Definition: Even after dating it seems to be of no use in predicting the character of your woman.

Checklist: yes; false;

Post marriage vs pre-marriage

Claims: Women behave differently before and after marriage

Example:

We hear this Jekyll and Hyde sentiment in the dont-marry-forum over and over again.

Definition: checks out

Checklist: yes; true;

A similar claim has been dealt with before.

The Brahmachari for life lifestyle

Claims: I don’t feel lonely/”feel like shit”/low self-esteem when I have shit to do

Example:

2 days before I started this essay, I remember thinking at work, “oh man I wish I had something nice to do, or hang with people”. I didn’t like the idea of having to come home to my “empty life” and keep grinding work. I started with the deadline of Tuesday and life seems to have spun back around. Was home last Saturday, I had to do 7 hrs of work followed by an outing with friends. So I wake up early, run run run to meet the target and have a great evening with beer and Indian food. So satisfying. I didn’t have time to think about anything or feel lonely. Proper reward after a hard days work was awesome.

At work there are days when you have to do some online courses that are boring. Those days are the worst. I feel like shit, I feel bored and start wondering about how much my life sucks. On most days though, I don’t feel like this. There are deadlines to deliver and I am running and 8 hrs runs out pretty fast. Just last week I was attempting to design some flexes for the first time, and kept pushing to meet the deadline of that week. In the end had to present to my boss an update, and his approval was so fitting for all the hard work I put in.

Definition: checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

Kids

Claims: Kids take care of you during old age

Example: In my family, monetarily all the kids support their parents. Period. The parents live in a nice house in Chennai or Bangalore, have all their needs met (such as a car, healthcare costs, travel costs etc…).

So Mr. Mani lost his wife. He is roughly 85 years of age and is cared for by his daughter in Singapore and son in US. Monetarily he is taken care of. His kids visit him every 6 months at a home. They call every week or every alternate day. And now that he keeps falling down and needs more attention the daughter took him to Singapore to look after him.

Fuck! Kids are awesome!

Another couple, the wife with dementia (a bit), and husband with really bad eyesight are being taken care by two of their children. They don’t stay with them. One is in Dubai and the other is in Delhi. But both call I think every alternate day and when needed they fly down to assist and take them to places like the dentist or hospitals.

Definition: checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: Kids take care of you during old age is worth getting married for.

no-example

Checklist: yes; neither;
no-example; failed; (hard one, unsure how to give an example for the claim); Pattern: “worth”

Claims: It feels great to raise kids.

Claims: It feels great to pick up kids

Claims: It feels great to hang out with your kids

Claims: Kids will not be rebellious in their teens

Claims: Kids will be as loving as charlie (daughter of Jason Nash)

Claims: It is worth it to wake up every three hours to feed the baby and take care of it.

Claims: Kids will want things like apple watches, iPad, PlayStation’s and anything that is hot.

Claims: It is worth the mood swings for a 9 months while wife is pregnant.

no-example;

Claims: Marriage will produce kids.

Example: I don’t know anyone in their 50’s without kids. None.

Definition: checks out!

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: If kids don’t listen to you on major subjects, it causes a lot of sadness to the parents.

Example: Me not saying “ok” to marriage seems to be tearing my parents apart. They are willing to forgo the 36k€ debt with them if I get married, such is their desperation. In fact I could also not pay a penny for the marriage and still get away with it (as long as I agree to marry). My mother cannot seem to accept the fact that I don’t want to marry. It is somehow very important to both parents.

My cousin is gay and her parents know. The mother is pained a lot because her kid is gay. The mom cries everytime she has to talk about it. She is scared to face other people in the family with this news.

Definition: checks out.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: If kids don’t listen to you on major subjects, it is not worth having them.

Checklist: yes; neither;
no-example; failed; definition-unclear; failed; Pattern: “worth”

Claims: kids cost a lot of money

done earlier.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: kids will take care of you during old age

done earlier.

Checklist: yes; true;

Claims: Kids will make you feel less ~~lonely~~ bored, sad during old age

Example: My grandma used to stay at home. My dad wanted her to not budge into the things we are discussing, she couldn’t lie down and watch tv in the evening. She got food and health care of course. She was transferred between each of her sons house every 3 months. Over her last few months, she stopped eating much, needed assistance at the toilet and slowly passed away.

I don’t think any of her daughter-in-laws were nice to her (other than giving food). My mom would be very rude to her and if I get in and support my grandma, it only became worse.

She would just sit in the chair and watch tv with us. She didn’t go outside the house as she was considered too fragile. She cut vegetables now and then for my mom. Coming to think about it, I don’t know how she managed to be in the house all the fucking time. She was not even allowed to come to the airport to pick up or drop me/brother, with reasons being cited that shes too old and needs to sleep.

Once I found her neck boiling and she kept saying, “no no I am fine”. I couldn’t do much (is my excuse). I would have atleast taken her to the doctor just to get her checked. Man she was suffering and hiding it from the family. My dad did shit as far as I remember.

For a woman who lost her husband at 30 and took care of her 7 children and gave each of them enough wealth, she sure as hell died with a pathetic life in the end.

Definition: yes kids make you feel less bored/sad during old age. Fuck that!

Checklist: yes; false;

Claims: You need your kids/wife to take care of you during your old age

~~It feels heartwarming to see Mr. Mani being taken to Singapore by his daughter and being cared for. But that doesn’t say anything about this claim.~~

Example: My uncle and aunt are 85 and 75 years old. My uncle has very poor eyesight. When I gave him a photo he literally put it 2mm from his eyes to see it. My Aunt, she has something like dementia. She sometimes forgets what her next action is. She stands up and forgets to sit down. They have a maid who comes and cooks lunch and dinner and they get alternate day calls from both their sons. Once a month one of the sons is in town. Money wise they are taken care of (by kids or whoever.)

My great-uncle is 85 years old. He lost his wife 15 years ago. His daughter is in Singapore and son in US. Until 5 years ago, he was at home by himself. And recently has been moved to an old age home. He does his own insulin shots. His kids visit once in 6 months for a few days and call every alternate day. He is quite fragile now, prone to falling.

In the case of special events such as surgeries the kids show up to sort their parents out.

Definition: In both the cases the old people seem to be able to live by themselves for 1week-1month at a time, albeit at an old age home or in an apartment. They are capable of living by themselves (assuming monetary support exists due to something) at the age of 85.

Coming to think of it, old age homes are designed for old people to stay without their children. The framework already exists. Whether it feels lonely or not, is a different kind of question to answer.

Checklist: yes; false;

For me I am thinking that staying in an apartment by yourself will probably be torture, but in an old age home might be different. There will be similar people like you to meet and “hang” and do things with. In fact I think instead of living with your kids (I think of my grandma), once you become old we should be checked into homes where basic things such as food, healthcare is taken care of, and you can just be with quite some similar people around you.

Claims: Old people feel lonely.

Example: ~~Every time I visit my great-Uncle who is 85 or my Uncle who is around the same age, I hear from them, a long thank you for the visit I made.~~

no-example;

Definition: I don’t know how to check if someone is “lonely”

Checklist: yes; neither; definition-unclear; failed; Pattern: “lonely”

Divorce

Claims: Divorce will lead to you loosing 50% of your earnings

Not checking this, but it seems to be the case in dont-marry-post

Claims: Divorce rates are higher if you marry an independent woman

no-example

Claims: Divorce rates are lower if you marry Indian bitches

Yes, divorce rates are 20% in India as compared to 52% in Netherlands.

The end

This is my first attempt to use the techniques learnt to understand different claims. I will soon write an essay based on this, summarizing my conclusions.

Statistics

This post took 8 days and 30.6 hours with average of 3.8 hrs per day.