The Constraint is in your head

In earlier posts we learned that constraints simplify our decision making. When I had the constraint of saving as many lives as possible, it was easy for me to decide what to do. Go to the US? Hell’s yeah. However, now that I am without constraints, I am unsure of what to do.

In the last essay, we discovered that we cannot blindly accept constraints or blindly adopt them like “having a baby” just because others are doing it.

During all this we are the ones judging if a constraint is ok or not. The constraint is seemingly in our own heads.

Not only this, the constraint in our head has a tendency to change with time, is sometimes hard to apply and get meaningful results, and we can even discover new ones (ones that we currently are not aware of).

What makes a “great life”

I want to be happy, I don’t want to be miserable and I want to be excited about the future. Constraint Judge in my Head approves!

I think I am happiest when I play sport. It keeps me going back for more. In a life where I sport everyday, I look forward to it and it makes my day. I was recently living in a gated community and there were 15 year old kids playing ball everyday. I played every day that I was there, and this activity simply trumped everything else that I did during that time (even playing with my niece or eating delicious food).

Sports, climbing, ball, gym are my most favorite activities to do regularly. Work is also exciting when it is new and when I am thinking about how to solve a new problem. Running the same mind numbing analysis over and over again is a big no.

This immediately draws me to the three types of lives that Martin Seligman is talking about: the good life, the meaningful life and the life of flow.

Because Flow and meaning are the ones that “generate lasting happiness” I would look into these and try to somehow increase these activities that have flow.

However an STM seems to detest that there are ways to increase flow activities, but I need to know more.

How does this help me make a decision on if I should stay in the Netherlands or go to the US? If all I need is flow, I don’t need lots of money (I think) to generate flow. I.E., I don’t need to slog to go to the US (is what I am thinking).

Let’s say this is a dead end (for now). Now What?

Discovering new constraints

Recently I was watching a Tamil serial with my parents, where the suggested constraint was “to live gauruvama” (live with the respect of your fellow caste members), and that otherwise it was not a life worth living. Lite, I’ll pass.

My parents think the constraint for my life should be marriage and kids. All this despite hearing my brother complain at that very same moment about how problematic his life was (with dealing with his wife and a kid). Lite, I’ll pass.

My father thinks that I should slog the rest of my life in the US, earn like my brother, become better, buy a house, buy a car, get married and have kids. This is the constraint he proposed for me: “chase the American dream or die trying”. My father comes from an era where he had to slog to make money and live this comfortable life. For sure he gave me a great education and a reasonably great life, and that is why he had to slog to get out of poverty and get to the stage where he is now. But I am not in the same condition as my father was 30 years back (in poverty). I don’t need to slog as much. I have a decent job. I can just “settle” (not bother about career growth etc., just work and chill), if I wanted to. Again. Lite, I’ll pass.

An STM suggested to think of YOLO. Hmm. Yes “you only live once”. This does constrain the solution space in general. It tells me what I should not do at least. For example, I have no intention of being in the US for the next 20 years working 80 hrs a week with 15 day vacations per year. But does YOLO tell you anything about going to the US or staying in the Netherlands?

YOLO

With YOLO am getting/discovering many constraint ideas (many potential constraints that I need to investigate).

Does this mean I should “travel”? “Focus on climbing”? “Focus on music” and join a choir group? Focus on becoming a top influencer with 100k followers? What does it mean?

This is getting out of hand. Let’s narrow the scope and analyse each constraint with the Constraint Judge in my head. Starting with the constraint (“I have to travel”).

YOLO: Travel

I am really excited about astronomy or anything that has to do with the beauty of this universe and the meaning behind it. I get lost when I see multitude of stars in the dark but well-lit sky. There have been days when I bike to the country side in my city and stop at a point where the street lamps don’t work. This is the perfect place to appreciate the unadorned sky, gazing upwards in awe at its random beauty.

So why am I telling you all this? I am thinking Travelling for me is about enjoying the beauty of nature. I want to go to Turkey, Antarctica, Australia, Iceland, Japan etc. I want to go on great hikes that then end in some insane views. I went with my friend in California for a small hike 10km from the Golden Gate Bridge. My god, what a view. I want to experience more of this.

I don’t want to go to Barcelona and Italy and look at architecture. I don’t want to go to Amsterdam and go on top of a building and use a swing for 2 minutes and pay 100 bucks. I don’t want to do the classic touristy things. Nature is king. Country side boat trips instead of touring the busy streets of the Amsterdam Red Light Districts.

I want to go stargazing and see all the different planets and stars. I want to try the digital nomad lifestyle for 1-2 months a year, and live in a different country like the Philippines or Indonesia. I also want to go camping and rock climbing in nature.

On the other hand I have never really done “traveling” of this nature. I usually prefer friends company and chilling rather than doing these things. One hike here and there is fine. Perhaps I should try doing something like this to know if I like this.

Let’s just say 4k$ per year for traveling for now (one skiing trip, one climbing trip, one weekend trip, and one trip to India). (I mean it could cost 10k$ or even 100k$. As my friend says, sometimes if you don’t have the money, the solution is not to chase and go for more money, just simply don’t do that activity.)

As I write this, I am also questioning if “traveling” is worth the price and if there is something far more superior I would like to engage in, that is potentially cheaper, like playing ball everyday. The later is far more appealing to me compared to traveling to Antarctica but almost equally as appealing when I think of camping in nature to climb everyday.

So where does this fit in the grand scheme of things? To US or not to US? Money and time seem to be the two currencies that are being dealt with here. With US, money will be in abundance but I doubt time will be available (15 days per year). And in the Netherlands I think money wont be in abundance but time will be (30 days normally, and if I work 4 days a week I could do up to 80 days per year). I think with Netherlands, 4k$ per year for traveling might be possible to set aside, 2 years from now. Which is great.

Netherlands-1; US-0. Savvy?

Other things to explore in the next posts

  1. Other constraints from YOLO
  2. how persuasion is part of the picture?
  3. what about flow?
  4. Why I wanted to come to the US (to make money)?