In the year of 2014 my friend x-co-conspirator STM, wrote [this article] on his blog. I remember thinking then that it was an amazing article. Till date I find myself quoting things from this post to my friends. I have often found myself unable to decide what my action should be for a particular situation. Although I expected this article to help me, I found myself not sure sometimes of what action I should take. But sometimes I hope I did what was needed.

There was this guy in my old apartment. Let’s call him ‘Urr’. The roommates were making noise in the house and I told them multiple times that it’s too noisy, to walk slowly up the stairs and keep their voices down in the night. I remember this one time, I was lying down, and Urr came along with another roommate into the house. The other roommate as soon as they got into the house said, “shhh…” (because I was sleeping). Urr responded with purposely jumping on the stairs pretty hard. I could go there and start a fight (and loose), or I could let him win this one anyway. I hoped that the fact that it didn’t do anything to me, rather the lack of joy for him to know for sure that he had messed my sleep, was good enough for me. I can’t remember having to deal with it. I am done fighting for these kind of things. Over time, all this noise just made me super strong. I could sleep through anything and I have made my peace with it. Once in a while of disturbance is fine. It is not the end of the world. Do not forget to focus on the most important things in your life. Thanks Urr.

My goal is to help myself and others like me, not be consumed by social games, social wars etc. My goal is to work on all the important things in my life. Over the recent days and times, I have had plenty of opportunities to be consumed by shit ass social games. I am afraid of them, as they can fucking consume me, they give me massive anxiety. I dread when they stay in my head, being repeated time after time, making me think of different responses I should have said and so on. I want to grow, but how? I wan’t to erase the incident but how?

I wrote about revenge or grow exactly three years back in this blog. I wrote there about this story of how a guy hurt me, and I couldn’t do anything to him, because he might help me later. He continued to give me shit. I was so mad that I just wanted to tell him to fuck off. Even now as I think of that ~cunt~ guy, I get slightly mad. When in an age where I should be focusing on writing, and solving problems is this what you wan’t to be doing?

I want to write about my past and plan in advance what I need to do, i.e., what does it mean to grow. For example, if I need to apologize I shall, but only if this essay tells me to.

Forgive, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
-unknown

Open Issue

What does it mean to confront people about say things like smoking, is anxiety connected to revenge or grow?